When it comes to divorce and adoption, these two can easily stir up a series of complex emotions. When parents decide that they want a divorce, most of them feel guilty, but the guilt load for adoptive parents is often heavier. For adoptive parents, it is definitely a tough decision. They took their time to ensure the process works for them. They spent a great amount of time to become parents, Went through several investigations and examinations to qualify as worthy. They made promises to remain a family forever, assured birth parents, country officials, agencies, and their child. However, they weren’t able to keep up and failed.
Such parents worry that going through the process of divorce; with the help of the best divorce lawyers will only raise a feeling of rejection or abandonment in their adopted child. In most cases, they may already harbor this feeling from the adoption.
The feeling of abandonment is common in adopted children, who get the feeling from the placement for adoption by the first family. Some children feel a sense of rejection, and it is possible that the divorce of their parents will only escalate these feelings.
To help their children cope with divorce, parents can do some things. Here are some suggestions.
1. Attend to the Child’s Emotional Needs
For at least a year, as parents, you should consider putting the emotional needs of the child on the top shelf. This means you should avoid dating, do not revamp your life, and avoid the introduction of a significant other to your child.
2. Work as Partners in Parenting
As you are both divorcing as spouses, you should embrace the role of co-parenting. As you take the step into the role of co-parenting, you have to work more like partners. When you consult an adoption attorney, like Tom Tebeau, you will get to learn how to manage anger at this stage. Through the right advice, if your anger for your ex-spouse gets in the way, you should go into joint mediation, or counseling with the chief goal to learn how to take up co-parenting.
3. Reduce the Transition Stress for Your Child
Whenever your child makes a transition between parents, this is often stressful for them. However, if you make it predictable for them, like give them information before time, this should reduce stress. Inform the child in advance about what to expect for dinner, who would be in the house and the schedule for the next day.
4. Avoid Talking Bad about Your Ex-Spouse
In front of your child, you should avoid saying anything not right about your ex-spouse. Regardless of the relationship, you had with your spouse, your child isn’t the ideal person to discuss this issue with at any time. Whether she wronged you, or he was bad to you, you should understand that your ex-spouse is now a co-parent. Regardless of the situation, do not let each other down in front of kids.
5. Encourage Your Child to Be Happy
Through the divorce process, as challenging as it could be, you should show it to your child that you could be happy. You should encourage them to stay happy. They should enjoy their life, have fun and you should be a role model for them. Encourage them that they can be happy even when the times are tough.
6. Assure Your Child They Aren’t Responsible for the Divorce
You have to encourage your child that they aren’t responsible for the divorce you are going through. Sometimes, adoptive children have the belief that they did something that pushes their parents to want to give them up. Their parent’s divorce, in this case, will only make them feel like the blame is on them. You should inform them that the blame is not on them. You should let your child know that you are not compatible with your spouse and have disagreements on issues. This should encourage them and take the blame off their shoulders.
7. Make New Memories
You are now a new family, so you should make sure that you try to move on and work on creating new memories. Even if you two live in separate homes, you should work on staying happier.
Divorce and adoption as you can see can affect you mentally. The best choice you have is to consult the best divorce lawyers and work through the process accordingly. Avoid putting any pressure on your child and inform them that the blame is not on them at all.